How many people do you know, demand to be in control, whether they are yelling, screaming, or even getting physical? 30 seconds and go! I’m sure you had at least one person come to mind, whether it be a family member, acquaintance, spouse or even someone on the news. We are surrounded by people in this world, all demanding to be in control. But the funny thing is most of the time we hand them the control. All they want is for you to get upset, to break, to say something rude just to gain your attention. When really all these people are looking for is to have control over one thing-themselves (autonomy)
What is autonomy? The Greek word auto means “self” and nomos means “custom” or “law”. This reflects the idea of self-ruling or self-governing. When someone is seeking autonomy, they are looking to make independent decisions with the status of an authoritive figure.
We aren’t taught how to handle this sort of thing, whether be within ourselves or with the people around us demanding to be in control.
Many of us are familiar with people who have to be in control over every aspect of your life or someone they are close too. This has to do with their ego invading every decision, if they go with your decision they may feel as if they are loosing (even if they like your suggestion). Some of the signs of a controlling person is: self absorbed, insensitive towards others, pushy, manipulates circumstance and people to achieve their own agenda, jealousy, dictating, and tantrums. If you’re in a relationship with someone like this you may find yourself dressing or even talking in a way that they prefer. You will also be familiar with the destructiveness of saying, “no” to them, this may put you on the receiving end of their fury, as they threaten and make rude remarks, shunning and lowering your confidence by their behavior.
You might be asking, ”Why, is this person doing this, to themselves and to you?’
There are multiple different reasons, why someone could be this way. It could be because they are trying to protect themselves from an alcoholic parent or a high stress situation. It could also have to do with their lack of self-esteem or even an over abundance of it. Either way, this type of behavior does not make for healthy relationships with family, significant others, friends or acquaintances.
The thing is, is we only have power over what we say and do. So what they think is their own right, you have nothing to prove to them. They’re not you. Once you are in control of your emotion, your sense of peace will be powerful beyond relief. We’ve all been there, screaming at someone just to try to be right and to win a battle that you probably won’t win anyways.
Just be Kind
Learn to just be nice, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of you. They aren’t the one who walks in your shoes everyday. You are! You are in charge of you. You made a mistake, so what! You did the best you could, now you know how to be ready the next time a similar challenge comes along. You said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing, admit it and move on with your life. Let them be right, let them believe they won. In the long run you will be the one walking down victory lane, because you learned to be in control of the situation. To not let others ruin your peace of mind. SO what! They said something that hurt you, called you a name or said you bad at something. Don’t give them the advantage of telling you how you feel about yourself, only you are in charge of that.
Stay in Control!
Kindness gives one, more clarity and peacefulness then anger and frustration ever will. Be in control of yourself and your situation, not someone telling you how you should be in control.
If you ever notice these characteristics within in yourself, just be mindful of how your actions affect others. Think about different ways that you can tackle your tendicies, because a thought in the right direction is better then nothing. You don’t have to share this with others, maybe start keeping a journal so you can right down how you feel and ideas on how you can change for the better.